Saturday 5 June 2010

Half a Page of Whining

Would make for a remarkably awful blogging experience for both the author and the reader, which is why I haven't been blogging much recently. Things haven't been too easy for me lately.

A lot of people who know me know that I suffer from intermittent depression. Not, thank God, the really awful type where the world is black and the only answer seems to be jumping off the Tyne Bridge. Just the sort where the world is grey and there seems no way forward.

When I get like that, I tend to avoid people I know. It's not personal. But it's not the job of my friends to be my counsellors; it's my counsellor's job to be my counsellor, and I don't want to inflict myself on them.

A horrible aspect of being depressed, for me, is that part of me, on the inside, knows I'm ill, but the Depressed Me is standing in front of that part and speaking for me. I have cringed at some of the words coming out of my mouth when I'm depressed, because part of me is yelling "That's not me! That's not the real me!". But it's a strong illness, and hard to fight.

I'm happy to say that I'm now feeling much better, if still not 100%. I've decided in future to live my life less by the principle of "What should I do?" and more by the principle "What will make me happy?" On that note, I'm off diving tomorrow.

See you all around, and much love.

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