Haikus of Life

Anyone else ever find themselves composing little haikus in their head as they go through life? Just me? I hope not. The haiku is a marvellous thing. Here's one that did the rounds when I worked at IBM back in 1999 (we used to send these round on email, how anyone did any work is beyond me...)

Three things are certain: 
Death, taxes, and lost data. 
Guess which has occurred. 

Windows NT just crashed.
The Blue Screen of Death.
No-one hears your screams.

Charlie Brooker once described the TV listings in haiku format, like this (more here):

The National Lottery: Winning Lines (BBC1, Sat, 8.35pm)
Applause detonates
as bubblegum balls fall in line;
you have won fuck all.

The Weakest Link (BBC2, Mon, 5.15pm)
Disgraced, her target
eats ginger malevolence.
Now, the walk of shame.

Alas, mine are not as funny, and nor do they scan so well:

I do not know why
This bloody bag spills rice all over the kitchen
But alas it does.

Birds avoid feeder
Why? Observe, lurking in 
tree, the tabby cat.

Student pedestrians
Stumble blindly in front of cycles
Toddlers with Ipods.


Incidentally both of the blog posts I've referred to in random drunken conversations, "The Ethics of Ogling Pretty People (Star Trek Into Darkness)" and "Data vs. Information via Heart Attacks in Walker" will turn up at some point. The first requires me to do more research*, the second requires me to have more than 5 minutes to do some actual writing.

* Obvious joke, but it's coming up on 11pm and I'm too knackered to be original. 

Wow, I made a blog!

Yup, on top of the technology curve, surfing along the crest of the wave of new innovations, and torturing metaphors unnecessarily, that's me.

Here is where I shall blog my innermost thoughts. Since my hobbies are cycling, diving, losing weight and drinking beer whilst talking crap about comics (yes, I'm aware those last two are somewhat in conflict), these will probably feature heavily, along with the odd wine-soaked rant on the crap state of what might laughably be called my love life.

Here's a starter.

Things you never expect when you lose weight:

1. Your feet shrink. I've gone from a size 7-8 to a size 6.5. I thought this was just me until a weight-losing friend confirmed this.

2. Your navel changes shape. Seriously. Look at a person with toned stomach muscles, and you'll see that, at the very top, there's an upside-down half-moon shape of skin and their navel is shallow and oval-shaped. Seriously. You just look. I mean it.

3. You lose your ability to drink. Which would be logical given that I have lost around 13% of my original bodyweight, thus having less blood volume to dilute the booze.

More gems / random crap as and when I have time. Enjoy.