Taunt Not The Scuba Gods

I posted on Facebook a week ago that come hell, high water or crap visibility, I would be back in the water at the weekend. I should have known better.

There was certainly high water; the tide was up as high as I've ever seen it at Beadnell. One possible clue to how this was going to go was hearing the senior instructor comment, as we stared out at the tossing sea, was "Don't worry, its still diveable".

As myself, my dive buddy A and A's teenage daughter paddled out across Beadnell Bay, Daughter of A peered downwards and remarked, with the wisdom of youth, "I can't see anything".

"Perhaps it'll be clearer nearer the reef," I replied, which is one of those things you know is actually a pile of crap when you say it.

"I can't even see your fins," Daughter of A muttered behind me.

Twenty minutes, later, after I’d popped my head up for the third time after losing A and Daughter of A in the silt cloud, A commented: “Coffee and cake on the shore?” 

"Coffee and cake on the shore," I agreed. Ahead of me, two pink fin tips headed in the direction of Beadnell village.

I guess last Saturday was a first, of a kind, it remains the only time I've actually called off a dive due to bad viz. Then again, it's the first time I've ever found a reef by swimming into it.

Highlights of Glastonbury 2014

This post is based on the Guardian's "Best and Worst of the World Cup" interviews. My highlights of Glastonbury 2014:

Best Set at the Festival: I've been asked this a few times, and it's been really hard to choose between Metallica and Kasabian. Metallica probably, for sheer uniqueness - never before has a metal band headlined Glastonbury, and they were refreshingly grateful to be there. Also, giant beach balls!

Best Performer at the Festival: I'm tempted to go with Ed Sheeran, which is not something I would ever have said prior to Glastonbury. I just admire the sheer nerve it must have taken to stroll onto the Pyramid Stage, just one 21-year-old man and his guitar, in front of thousands of people who have just seen what will be the iconic performance of Glastonbury 2014 - Dolly Parton. If he was nervous, it didn't show one bit, and everyone had a great time.

Glastonbury Moment: Always a personal thing. For me, managing to sneak out of the bar on my lunchbreak, quickly purchase some magic muesli (£3.50 for a huge bowl of muesli, yoghurt and fruit, which would not be a bargain anywhere else, but the average price for lunch at the festival was £4-£5, so, winning!) and head to the Other Stage to catch White Lies' set. One of their songs, "Death", is one of my favourites. I got there in time to hear it live. It's those little moments when it all comes together that make things perfect.

Personal Highlight: See above, but also the way the team bonded. Fun was had by all. Also the Glade dance tent was awesome, I'd have stayed there all night jumping up and down if my feet had let me.

Biggest Disappointment: The coach containing one of my volunteers, which was due in at 1.30am, turning up at 3am, having taken a detour nearly to Wales due to their having a driver who had no idea where he was going, and who hadn't driven a coach in ten years. I was literally having to turn the mobile data on my phone, log onto the AA Route Planner, and text directions to the volunteer, who was battling the force of a nearly flat phone battery. I had brought a paperback, a snack and my warmest clothing, but having to sit there for an extra hour and a half listening to an unlucky guy who'd lost his festival ticket having the same argument with the festival security staff every ten minutes was not a lot of fun.

Non-music attraction of the festival: The hammocks just down from the festival sign. I'd have stayed up there, swaying gently in the breeze, for a lot longer if I'd been able to.

Trickiest moment: Trying to avert a walk-out due to a preventable injury to one of my team. I entirely sympathised with them, but walking out would have meant the end to our volunteering with the WBC, for good. We managed to work things out.

Innovation I'd like to see for 2015: That the git who kept the music system in the campsite tent blaring loudly until 3am is identified and prevented from going anywhere near it. After three repetitions of "I Wanna Be Sedated", the joke wore very thin.

Fondest memory: A special mention to James the Organiser, for getting my injured volunteer to see Dolly Parton in a buggy.

Back from Glasto

There it is in the background, being pointy.

Actually I've been back for a while, but it's taken til now to recover the energy to blog again. I still have muddy gear requiring clearing, but most of it's been done - one bit at a time.

The festival generally went well, apart one of my volunteers having a preventable accident, and the subsequent industrial relations issues that followed. Fortunately a full-scale mutiny was avoided.

Everything else went quite well. This year I accepted that I would need to repeat anything I said several times, and consequently (I hope) came across as less of an irascible bastard than I have in previous years. I happen to be one of those people whose default brain setting for "the purpose of speaking" is "convey necessary information". This is, as I've discovered over the years, not necessarily the default setting for the rest of the world. As the Killers once sang, smile like you mean it, and be happy.

I even managed to phrase the answer to the inevitable question more tactfully. Each year, I can guarantee I'll have a conversation like this:

"Is that the Pyramid Stage?"

"No, that's the Other Stage."

"How will I know when I've found the Pyramid Stage?"

This year's reply: "Well.... it's really big, and pointy."

(This year's reply, in my head: "It looks like a sodding great pyramid.")