Sunday 25 January 2015

The Tales We Keep Telling, 10: Injecting in the Kitchen

Another funny story from my last but one house. It was certainly full of characters, including at one point, a naked butler. He was not the naked butler for the house, for which I'm grateful, but did work as one in his spare time to earn some extra cash. He was also a bodybuilder, and had the most boring diet I've ever seen, consisting of rice, chicken, Bird's Eye frozen mixed vegetables, and Herinz barbecue sauce. It seemed to work for him, but I can't imagine eating the same thing that often.

He lived in the house around the same time as my now ex-landlord who, towards the end of my stay there, moved back into the house with his girlfriend. (He then sold the house, which is why I left.) I wandered downstairs into the kitchen (that's always where funny things happen), and encountered him and his girlfriend, with him injecting something into her stomach.

I can say with some certainty that I'd never seen someone doing this before outside of a medical context. I eventually plucked up the courage to ask: "Um.... what are you doing?"

"You know we're going on holiday soon?"


"Well, this stuff helps you tan, we got it off the Internet. Do you want to try it?"

"Thanks but I think I'll stick with my existing skin colour."

Funnily enough, it did work, at least for his girlfriend, who turned a shade of light brown. He turned a weird shade of orange brown that no human being of any ethnic origin naturally displays. (I suspect he may have taken more than the recommended amount.)

Funny fact; my ex-landlord was a police sergeant.

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