The Yoga and Meditation Teacher With the Broken Back
This really happened: I walked into my meditation class on a Wednesday* and discovered that we had a new teacher. She was wearing what looked like a superhero costume of a two-layered green tank top, shorts, a grey thingie on her back that crossed over in front, blonde hair and a big smile, and the sort of toned arm muscles I don't have even after years of lifting weights.
Her opening line, in the sort of happy American accent that makes me think of sunshine and Florida** and people rollerskating before eating vegan pancakes for breakfast, was "Hi, just so you know, this is a back brace. I broke my back last week, but it's not as bad as it sounds".
The only thing I could think of to say was "That sounds pretty bad".
Fortunately, it was the kind of broken back you want to have, if you're going to break your back, where you crack a vetebra and think it's a muscle spasm that won't go away. She did the classic "Go to A&E, wait to see doctor, doctor suggests X-Ray to 'just make sure', doctor sidles back into the room holding the X-Ray and looking shell-shocked". Apparently when the doctor replied "You appear to have broken your back", she burst out laughing, which... seems fair.
Apparently it's healing up just fine, and the brace will be off soon.
Maybe I should suggested she tell everyone it's a superhero costume. I'd believe that.
* I recommend this. Although sometimes instead of meditating on the teacher's "you are on a golden beach" theme, I find myself meditating on what it would be like to be able to breathe water and be immune to cold, and just snuggle down in the sand at the base of a beautiful reef in Beadnell Bay. I still remember that summer's day diving. Mmmm, calm. I think this means I want to be a seal.