Muse Drinking Game

I was re-watching HAARP the other day and trying to work out a Muse Drinking Game. Don't know if it's got legs though, this is as far as I've got:

• Drink every time you see a teenage girl with heavy eye make-up and a look of desperate yearning. (Bonus drink if the cameraman then zooms in on her chest).
• Drink every time you see a group of fans containing one guy with glasses who looks a bit bewildered and another guy going completely crazy regardless of what everyone else around him is doing.
• Drink every time Matt Bellamy plays the guitar whilst standing on one leg.
• Drink every time Chris Wolstenholme starts headbanging.
• Drink every time Matt Bellamy plays the guitar whilst holding it above his head.
• Drink every time Dom Howard grins crazily.
• Drink every time one of the other two musicians on stage looks faintly surprised to see a camera pointing at him.
• Drink every time Matt Bellamy points one finger at the sky whilst adopting a faintly messianic expression (NB for this one, only take sips, unless you don’t have plans for the following morning and / or a liver donor lined up).

Amazing Reflective Gloves

I missed a step out of the "How to Make Reflective Gloves" post earlier: you need to seal the ends of the tape to stop them fraying, either by sewing them down or sealing with glue or nail varnish.

Here's a picture of the final result.

Oddly Specific Instructions on Glue / Annoying Bike Noises

I recently bought some superglue and found the following instruction on it "Not suitable for sticking rear view mirrors to car windscreens". I suppose there could be a legal issue here since it would be dangerous if the mirror fell off whilst you were driving, but it seems so oddly specific. As a friend commented, "They might as well also put 'Unsuitable for Sticking Anvils To Ceilings".

And here's this week's contribution to cycling: Fixing Annoying Bike Noises.

1. Annoying squeaky noise coming from the brakes.
Two possible causes: a) Bike mechanism needs greasing. Simple – apply grease to the bolts on the brake mechanism WITHOUT getting any on the brake pads or wheel rims (wipe off if so). b) Problems with the brake pads. You need either new brake pads, to toe-in the brake pads, or to check the tension on the brake cables. Instructions for all can be found on the 'net.

2. Annoying rattly noise coming from the chain accompanied by difficulty shifting the gears.
One possible cause (there may be others I have yet to encounter): the gear cable is loose, usually on the rear derailleur. This is particularly likely to be the case if you twisted the cable barrel adjuster by mistake whilst removing the cable housing to grease the gear cable. Find the cable barrel on the derailleur (it’s a black ring where the cable goes into the derailleur mechanism) and tighten it, then try again. If the chain doesn’t rattle and the gears shift okay, you’ve fixed it. If it does still rattle, you may need to tune the gears, in which case a) find some online instructions (Google is your friend here), or b) talk to your friendly local bike mechanic.

3. Annoying rattly noise coming from somewhere on the bike you can’t identify.
Try greasing all the mechanical parts (brake mechanisms, gear shifters, chain) WITHOUT getting any on the brake pads or wheel rims (wipe off if so). Ride the bike again, see if this cures it. If not, go over it looking for loose bolts i.e. mudguard bolts, pannier bolts, and tighten them. Try again. If it’s still rattling, bike shop time.

4. Annoying rattly noise coming from the front gear derailleur
Two possible cause: a) the chain is being stretched too far over on the rear sprockets i.e. it’s on the smallest front chainring and the smallest rear sprocket, or vice versa, and is caused by the chain rubbing against the sides of the front derailleur. Fix by shifting the gears, usually by shifting the front derailleur (if you’ve got the chain on the smallest front chainring and smallest rear sprocket, you’re probably going fast enough to shift onto the middle front chainring). b) the chain has failed to shift from one front chainring to the next. Click the shifter back to the position for the original chainring, pedal as gently as you can and try again.

5. Annoying pingy noise coming from somewhere.
If you have a bike computer, lift the front wheel off the ground, spin it, and see if the pingy noise corresponds to the magnet on the wheel spoke brushing against the sensor. If so, push the sensor out very slightly, and check again (be sure you haven’t moved it so far out it doesn’t pick up from the magnet). If this doesn't fix it, your guess is as good as mine.

6. Annoying flicking sound coming from the wheels.
Stop and have a look at the forks / mudguard / pannier rack to see if there is anything stuck on them i.e. a dead leaf. Remove it, pedal off.

Back from a cycling holiday

Got back from my latest escapade on the bike last Sunday, it's taken until now for me to recover enough to post about it! Down from Edinburgh to Almouth over Friday to Sunday last week. 150 miles in three days, including one day (Saturday) with a 60-mile trip.

It was a mighty amount of fun, despite a grand total of seven punctures, and much beer was drunk.

More details as and when. In other news, I finally got round to putting reflective strips on my cycling gloves. There's a reason for this: I wear black gloves, and at night it's difficult for drivers to see my hand signals before I turn. Hopefully the reflective strips will solve this problem. For anyone wanting to do this themselves, it's surprisingly easy. Go to your local haberdashery shop (I used Fenwick's in Newcastle) and buy a strip of reflective / fluorescent ribbon and some double-sided iron-on backing, such as Bondaweb. All you need to do is cut strips of ribbon and Bondaweb, put them across the palm and back of the gloves, and iron them on with a medium-heat iron. Dead simple!

Diving Terminology, Part I

As one continues to dive / read diving books / hang about aimlessly on Scubaboard.com, one accumulates random diving terminology, which I shall attempt to eludicate here for the enlightenment of all.

Here's probably as good a place as any to throw in an important disclaimer: I'm not a trained diving instructor and I have a grand total of 13 dives under my weightbelt. If you seriously want to learn to dive, go learn from the nice people who have trained specifically to do that. Don't rely for your safety on anything I say here. If you would like to point out something I've got wrong, please do so, I welcome all polite and helpful correction. (Impolite correction can bugger off.)

So, a term for your enlightenment:

Nosebreather. Rather derogatory diving term for non-divers. So-called because divers breathe only through our mouths, since that's where the nice large mouthpiece connected to the air tank goes in. To answer a question I've been asked, yes, the mask covers your nose (as I am demonstrating to the left, here) partly to stop the water from getting up your nose, but more importantly, so you can breathe out through your nose to blow air through the mask and get rid of any water that might have leaked into it. (Yes, the mask does stay on if you do this - you hold the top of the mask and look up whilst blowing out. Like so.)

Diving opinion is divided on the merits of diving vs non-diving partners. Those favouring divers as partners wax lyrical about the joys of floating effortlessly through some of nature's most awe-inspiring sights with your loved one by your side, and having a partner who understands the need to have the smell of wet neoprene permeating the house for two days. Others point to the frustration that occurs when your beloved appears to have been inexplicably replaced with a wetsuit-clad moron who seemingly cannot understand the simplest hand signals and keeps wanting to stop to look at the pretty fish.

For their part, non-divers display a bewildering inability to grasp the importance of not drinking on a Saturday night so that one can rise at 6.30am on Sunday morning to get changed into a cold layer of thick neoprene whilst standing on a towel behind a stranger's Land Rover so you can go submerge beneath the grey North Sea. On the other hand, obliging nosebreather partners can be most useful in terms of acting as surface support, keeping an eye on the car / kids / dog, and making the all-important thermos of hot tea. Thus the debate rages on.

More diving stuff as and when I can.

In far more important news, today the Oldest Friend and her hubby had their first baby! A little girl, 6lbs 9oz, mum and baby doing well. Yay! Can't wait to see the little one.