Saturday 2 May 2015

The Beadnell Car Park Song

I'd like to fill this space with a tale of diving derring-do. Unfortunately, the last time I went diving I nearly gave myself the bends. That tale can wait a bit longer.

Instead, here is a musical interlude, to be sung to the tune of "Human" by the Killers, and invented by my good friend J.

Beadnell is, of course, the site of many a North Sea dive. The car park has seen more semi-naked divers than the site of a very bad (and specialist) soft porn shoot.

"I did my best to notice
If the buoy was on the line
Up to the surface of the water
I was cold but I was fine.

"Sometimes I get nervous
When I see the film "Jaws"
Close your eyes, clear your ears
Hold the cord.

"Are we stupid?
Or are we divers?

My hands are freezing
My head is cold.

"And I'm on my knees
Searching for an O-ring*
In a car park
Near Beadnell."

* Small rubber ring, used to create a leak-proof seal between the valve on top of the tank, and the first stage of the regulator used to supply the breathing gas to the diver. Slightly smaller than a penny. Shares the common ability of all tiny mechanical objects essential to a complex process occuring, of flinging itself down the nearest drain at the least provocation. The likelihood of this occurring is expontentially increased if the diver in question doesn't have a spare.

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